I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
