now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Come back. Shots need mouths.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
