3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
