I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Umm I'm too high to move.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She announced her abortion via fbk
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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