I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
