called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Pants are for mortals
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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