Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
