apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
