I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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