It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You can't just leave with hair like that
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
