just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
