I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
