just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
