So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
