I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My Higher Power is John Stamos
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
