nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
