I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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