Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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