I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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