i would punch a child for taco bell
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
