you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
