K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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