Only a mothe r could love this liver
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
