Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
