You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I want her autograph on my taint
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
