I love black thongs
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
His nipple licking is glorious
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