i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
