I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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