did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
