I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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