You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
