So drunk its hurt
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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