he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
