he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
