I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
