I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
