the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
