My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
