everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
