I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
