areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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