Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
