She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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