A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
