Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
