I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
