so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
