Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You need a sexual gate keeper
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
