There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So much rum. So many feels.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
