I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
