She is in my trunk
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
