just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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